


The Journal

by LadyValkyrie



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 22:27:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11976339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyValkyrie/pseuds/LadyValkyrie
Summary: There’s a package of books in the meagre belongings that Silver brought for James from Nassau. He explains to Thomas that they were in the cellar of his and Miranda’s house after her death, kept out of the way of the pirate rebellion headquarters. ‘Not that many of them could read’ James adds, ‘but Miranda kept a journal that I didn’t want to fall into the wrong hands.’‘Have you read it?’ Thomas asks, running his hands over the fine leather.‘No, I couldn’t. And I’m not sure you should either.’In which James and Thomas try to build a life for with each other after leaving the plantation; Thomas wants to learn more of James and Miranda's life together in Nassau; however learning the truth is not always pleasant.





	The Journal

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [So Many Things You Were Not](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11832798) by [iwtv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwtv/pseuds/iwtv). 



> I love the idea of the characters learning about each other through journal entries, and how the truth cannot always be understood through via words on a page.

James and Thomas find themselves a small cottage by the sea; away from the plantation, and a place where they can live their lives in peace.

They have their first proper night together in the cottage since being reunited. They make love in the afternoon, and in the fading light, explore each other’s scars, and remind themselves of each other – James has forgotten that when Thomas smiles his lips are ever slightly lopsided; Thomas remembers the subtle twitches of James’ face when he’s amused but trying not to show it.

Thomas finds the small tattoo on the inside of James’ wrist – TH+JM. He smiles, running his thumb over the letters and James flushes.

‘When Miranda and I learnt of your death I was inconsolable – we both were. This was my pathetic attempt to keep a small part of you with me. To remind me of what I was fighting for.’ James sighs, embarrassed. He looks into Thomas’ beautiful blue eyes and says ‘I love you. I’ve always loved you.’ Thomas pulls James close for a kiss, he’s crying, and they’re fumbling at each other, stroking each other’s cocks and they come together and it feels wonderful.

***

There’s a package of books in the meagre belongings that Silver brought for James from Nassau. He explains to Thomas that they were in the cellar of his and Miranda’s house after her death, kept out of the way of the pirate rebellion headquarters. ‘Not that many of them could read’ James adds, ‘but Miranda kept a journal that I didn’t want to fall into the wrong hands.’

‘Have you read it?’ Thomas asks, running his hands over the fine leather.

‘No, I couldn’t. And I’m not sure you should either.’ James pauses, looking uncomfortable. ‘I must go into town now.’

He grabs his jacket and rushes out of the room; Thomas is annoyed, he knows that James has business to attend to, but they can’t keep pretending that Miranda wasn’t a part of them. Thomas is desperately curious to learn more of their life without him, and with a small thrill of anticipation, picks up Miranda’s journal and begins to read.

***

_It is so hot here. The humidity at this time of year is horrendous. Will I ever get used to it?_

_James is gone again, off sailing for weeks. He doesn’t want me going into to town often, and I know it isn’t safe for a single lady, but I am desperate for company._

_*_

_I have started to attend the puritan church gatherings. While the preaching is not to my taste, at least I have an opportunity to socialise with some of the families from the interior. And of course, there is poor Pastor Lambrick – he seems very earnest and is concerned for my soul. He blushes red every time he sees me; no doubt word has spread to him that my lover is a pirate!_

_*_

_James has returned (at last!), bringing books and tea which is welcome. We tried to make love last night, but he couldn’t finish. When he thought I was asleep, he went outside to pull himself off. I know I am not enough for him, but I cannot bring Thomas back. I suggested that he might find solace with one of the men in town; he gives me a look of disgust and doesn’t respond._

_*_

_We received a letter from Peter today. Thomas is dead, taken from us. I have wept so much that I feel I shall never feel whole again; James I fear, is lost to me. We cried, we held each other, then James kissed the top of my head and left without another word._

_*_

_We fought again tonight, and ended up fucking on the kitchen table. I scratched his back and shoulders; he grabbed my wrists in retaliation and pinned me on the table. I enjoyed his roughness; he wouldn’t look at me._

_I think he hates me for convincing him to leave England and not even attempt to rescue Thomas – futile as that action would have been – he feels we should have tried something. I have bruises this morning, and I take some delight from the bloody scratches on James._

_*_

_James is hopeful of a lead for a significant treasure – something to do with a Spaniard named Vasquez._

_*_

_Bloody James – I have barely seen him for months, but he turns up on my doorstep, fresh out of a fight, bleeding all over my floor. Of course, I look after him as best I can, and he rushes off again the next day. I have become his nurse-maid and nothing more. I’m here, scrubbing the blood spots off the floor and I think I hate him._

_*_

_Pastor Lambrick calls late one night; it’s obvious what he is after (well at least to me if not to him!). We fuck on the veranda. He’s all flustered afterwards (virgin? Probably!), and he now thinks we’re going to hell. I can’t say I’m concerned – I’m in hell already._

_*_

_I find myself with an unwanted house guest; well I suppose at least I have some company now. James is trying to hide Richard Guthrie while he hunts the Urca Gold. Mr Guthrie has been shot, once again I am playing at nurse-maid._

_*_

_Mr Guthrie has provided me a way out – James and I could make our way to Boston. There would be a life for us there. I must stop writing in here now; must focus on getting that letter seeking a pardon for James finished so I can send it on the_ Andromache _._

_*_

_James is angry – he discovered me reading_ Marcus Aurelius _to Mr Guthrie. He’s furious, and part of me hopes it will be one of those arguments that leads to some passion between us. But no, instead we find ourselves pretending to make love; going through the motions. James may as well not have been there._

_The blasted children were back today – little buggers threw some stones at the house and called me a witch. If only I were! Then I could cast a spell to take us back in time before this miserable existence started._

_*_

_James discovered the letter I wrote, and it caused him problems with his crew, which I regret. We scream at each other like a couple of fish-wives and he storms out, presumably to get drunk in town. I wish Thomas was here. We are unbalanced, incomplete without him._

_*_

_Miss Guthrie visited today, came to beg me to intervene with James. He’s threatening to destroy the Fort in Nassau. And interesting news – Abigale Ashe, who must surely be Peter’s daughter is to be ransomed. If I can persuade James to see sense, we may yet have some semblance of our lives back. Last we heard, Peter was in Charles Town. If I can convince James to allow me to travel with him to deliver Abigale to safety, Peter may listen and see sense to help us._

_***_

The journal ends at the mention of travelling to Charles Town. Of course, Thomas knows the story from there; it was the first thing that James had told him as they were travelling from the plantation. He runs his fingers over Miranda’s final entry; heat broken that her hopes were not to be.

Above all else, he is angry with James. He loved Miranda so poorly; after reading many years of entries, Thomas can only start to grasp what a miserable life Miranda must have lead for those ten years, mostly alone in the interior in Nassau.

**

James returns late in the afternoon to find Thomas brooding, sitting at the kitchen table with the journal closed in front of him.

‘You read it then?’ he whispers, looking worried.

Thomas looks at James, eyes cold and piercing ‘Yes. I wanted to understand what it was like, your lives together. And I knew things would not be easy, but Jesus, James, she was miserable! You left her alone, my lovely, vivacious wife, with no joy! No life!’ He stands and faces James, his expression hurt and furious.

‘You don’t know what it was like!’ James raises his voice, ‘We tried to make the best of it, I kept her safe in the interior while we tried to realise your dream for Nassau. That’s why I got the Urca gold; that’s why I tried for the pardons through Peter!’

Thomas shoves James, he’s so angry with him, and James stumbles backwards. Thomas shoves him again, and this time James falls back against the wall and Thomas presses up against him. ‘I wanted you to look after each other when I was gone; instead I think you hated each other’ Thomas hisses in James’ ear. James can't remember seeing Thomas this angry before.

James’ voice breaks, he puts his hand on Thomas’ jaw. ‘We didn’t hate each other. We tried to be happy. God, we tried. But you were lost to us and just the two of us wasn’t enough. It’s you, you see. It’s always been you. I loved Miranda, but not as I loved you.’

He’s stroking Thomas’ face, he feels Thomas digging his fingers into the side of his neck and shoulder in response, but Thomas is not yet placated. His anger is making James hard; he is reminded of the arguments he and Miranda would have that would lead to sex. James rubs Thomas’ hardening cock through his trousers and grabs the back of his head and smashes their lips together for a rough kiss; he’s biting Thomas’ lips, trying to hurt him in retaliation for the painful wounds he reopened about Miranda; Thomas has pulled away now, his lip bleeding and is biting into the soft skin of James’ neck, trying to mark him. He’s fumbling at James trousers, he’s pulled his cock free and begins to stroke it, eliciting a groan from James. Thomas turns him around, and bends him over the kitchen table, shoving the journal out of the way. He’s pulled James’ trousers down fully and is stroking his hole, James is whimpering and Thomas presses him face-down on the table. He wants to hurt James, to dominate him as petty revenge for the terrible words of Miranda’s journal. Thomas spits into his hand, ready to penetrate James

‘Do you want this?’ he asks.

‘Yes. Don’t stop.’ James whimpers.

Thomas roughly sticks two fingers in, working his way to that sensitive place – _ah, there we go_ – and James cries out, pressing back against Thomas, and then he’s ready and Thomas impales him with his cock, he’s fucking James hard, they’re both groaning loudly, James hisses once or twice with the pain – _but it feels so good_ \- relishing in the roughness. Thomas comes, deep inside James, hard and fast, and reaches round to James’ cock and finishes him off with a few strokes. Thomas withdraws, cum dribbling down James leg. Thomas is feeling weak at the knees and sits down on the kitchen floor, back up against the wall. James pushes himself off table and joins him.

They curl up together, legs and arms entangled, partially dressed, sticky and bruised. They sit like this, in silence, until darkness falls, both mourning Miranda.


End file.
